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(no subject) [Apr. 28th, 2007|07:01 pm]
i feel silly bloggin out my problems. its like im whining and moaning over dumb shit that doesnt really matter. like other people have extremely way bigger issues than me and that mine are just not important. usually i dont worry about the way certain things are gonna turn out i just sit back let time tell it all and i know thats what im gonna end up doin but i guess right now what im feeling is anticipation. im just overly eager to see if me and this boy are gonna have somethin special together. a real and true relationship. i try to talk to him and all that but i feel like i'm just trying to hard, then i tell myself ima just let him call me, message me, or whatever  but i just cant hold back. 
my surgery date is set for May 10. im getting my left shoulder done. im scared. 
i dont think ill be doin much this summer because i have to get my right one done too. so i dont know if i can do that summer program...just feelin down now because of that.  im lonely again. nobody to talk to. i usually play my video games but ive been stuck on one part for 2 weeks and its makin even more depressed. 

"and you know the rain..dont last forever."
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its been a while... [Apr. 24th, 2007|11:21 pm]

soo i aint wrote nothin in awhile..its not like it matters tho..i have few friends lol but yeah
id like to thank yayoyego! for givin me that info for that summer program..its gonna be crazy hard to convince my mom to let me go but i damn will try!
yeah thats cool..but liiike for some reason this summer is gonna be my busiest ever! Im going on my trip to Panama, trip to Florida to visit my friend, take some duel credit classes...and then try to go to that program..thats gonna be expensive...but i have a job and i aint got nothin else to do wit my money so.... yeah
one new thing in my life is that i have a mad big ass crush on some dude..i havent had like a straight up crush on somebody like completely liked everything about that person..and nothin was wrong with them lol. he is soo cute and hes from New York.  He talks and acts sexy and not like these ignorant ass niggas down hea @ my school. dude i really like him lol. my friend gave him my number and he calls me...but i get so shy and i never know what to say..so its kinda quiet but he talks to me...oh yeh theres.a catch..lol hes indian! and since he grew up in new york..he acts and talks black...thats crazy! lol i thought he was black at first but chea..i found that out..and we like the same music and stuff...i hope he like me,man. lol MAN! im such a weirdo!

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females females we got issues [Apr. 11th, 2007|08:19 pm]

so ive been sick since saturday. (its that htown weather man. its 60 degrees on saturday..and 80 degrees on monday) yeh and i had to go to work sick and crap..didnt feel nice so i stayed home today. and two of my friends got into an arguement and they pretty much hate each other now. 
my mom has been trippin me out lately. shes always comin home sayin some negative shit to me that im not trynna hear. im ready for this school year to be effin over. take this damn TAKS test and lets go home geez....i was gonna say alot but im just too weak to type it all..just an update i guess ill type it all later
oh yeh u guys have to see the new Charm School on VH1 wit the flavor of love girls..lol its hilarious..u can go to vh1.com to watch the first episode..hehehe i cant wait

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generic eccentrics [Apr. 4th, 2007|10:15 pm]

im tired of these lame ass rocker kids on myspace who think just cuz they listen to Pharrell and Kelis that they are rockstars. lame ass.
anyways sorry i aint been up. I've been workin and well playin my new video game[pathetic, i know]. My buddy Matt let me borrow it for my birthday..which by the way was ok. i had some good ass crab legs at Joe's Crab Shack:) I get my first paycheck on FRIDAY! I don't go to school FRIDAY or MONDAY! flippin awesome! 
i got my MRI finally. it sucked. they stuck freakin needles into both of my shoulders...to inject ink in there. that was not cool..and it took 4 hours to get an MRI on both. it was an awkward experience. i hated my nurse. she was this loud ass black lady from N.O.[i have nothin from ppl fromt the N.O.] but yeah she wouldnt shut tha fuck up..and she was scarin the shit out of me. she was makin me think they was about to take a big ass chunk of meat of me. "Yeaaa bebe if u can't take it just let me no. and well hold u down" WHAT THA FxCK lady??? lol thats no. thats not cool. thats not normal. 
man im pissed cuz i dotn think i can take computer graphics next year because the school hasnt given me BCIS yet and i need that b4 i take it..wich is fucked up cuz i was really lookin foward to workin with the real photoshop lol.

why do i always have a crush on the weirdest offputtin dudes? i guess its because i dont find myself that attractive...and i dont go after the guys that i really liike because of my dominant fear of bein rejected and humiliated...so i settle for somethin that is way less than what i wanted...causin most of my relationships to fail because i maybe never really wanted to be with that person in the first place. whoa... an epiphany!

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sorry im not light skin with curly hair...fucktards [Mar. 27th, 2007|07:22 pm]

man FUCK THEM JOURNEYs BITCHES. i hate them.
today i went to tha mall with my 2 bestfriends..and one of my best friends is light and she got curly hair and she black..so we walk up in there..and she asks the manager something..there WERE TWO ppl working in the store...shes like oh u guys called me back for an interview..and i was like oh i turned in an application too..[IGNORED]...so im just sittin waitin patiently still they stop talkin and im like hey i turned in one and they told me they would call back! [ignored] okkkk so im like screw it..and then she starts talkin again..and then they start listening to her...and then i asked the other guys if they had that rasta necklace in cuz i really wanted it...[[IGNORED AGAIN]] the dude was just fuckin ignoring ME! and i was like im kinda feelin soemthin here..but maybe its just me..sooo i tell my friend..hey ask them if they got that rasta necklace...OH and both of them REPLY! "no not yet but im sure we'll have em soon" and they was just lookin at her the whole fuckin time....so i wait till they done talkin..and i said.."you know what, i've been standing here the whole time and i know both of u bastards heard me askin yall a question..it doesnt take two ppl listen to one person." and they still wasnt listening still listenin to her and she wasnt even talkin to them..iu waslike u know what FUCK U TWO and FUCK JOURNEYS...and then i knocked off a shoe on the wall...and left.

i hate them hoes...this always happens..everytime she does soemthin i always tell her dont worry ur light skin with curly hair ppl will accept u..and its so true..but its always me and my other friend they look at weird..and i even feel that sometimes..my other friend treats her better than me..its like she cares more and defends her more..thats just effed up..thats just somethin thats been botherin me

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i got a job! [Mar. 24th, 2007|01:04 pm]
YAY!! its not a JOURNEYs tho..its a store called JUSTICE and its for lil girls liek u know Limited Too and what not! aweesome i start today!
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2hour MRI? wtf.. [Mar. 21st, 2007|10:10 pm]
[Current Music |music is my hot,hot sex-CSS lol]

today i realized that im a weirdo. lol i was talkin to people and my class
"feran ur very...."
"yeah and weird. I don't know ur not like, apart of everybody else..u just sit there..and listen and then say random stuff that has nothing to do with anything. hahahah...but ur funny"
"gee thanks!"
"and ur zune is filled with weird songz...by tha...gorillaz??? and gnarls barkley??...les nubians? and some of ur songs arent even in english,fool!...where yo dance songs at girl?"
"well i have the radio on there..so there's not point in me puttin that crap on my zune"
"and u got pictures of nappy headed women in yo zune too..thats strange"
"its my inspiration!"

...and so on..ugh whatever. the girls at school..that arent my friends get on my nerves lol. they wear tha same fuqqin crap..like the new style is puttin them tight ass belts around thier stomachs and sh!t. and wearin heels..and that bulky ass jewelry. everyday they all wear they same earrings belts shoes necklaces beads bracelets.. AND NOT even on purporse..freakin lamERS. geez.

oh yeh in other news tomorrow i have to go get an MRI on both of my shoulders..they're gonna inject die into me that changes my bones and joints different colors! cool huh! yeahhhh but its gonna take 2 hours to get it done..but hey at least i get out of school!
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march madness [Mar. 18th, 2007|08:36 pm]
off tha chain florida GATORS won AGAIN
anyways sorry i aint updated in a while[not like many care] lol but i been with my father..workin out this trip..on friday, i went to go get my passport and that shit took forever. we had to wait in this room that made us feel like we was in court. and then wen it was our time we found out that our passport pics were no good..so we had to run off and get them hoez redone..terrible. i visited my old neighborhood where i used to live without my brother..it was niiiice..

i started back talkin to my ex...chea..he cut his hair  off..all the ppl that know me know i love long hair..but oh well hopefully hes still a cutie..i dont knwo what else to say. or maybe i did..and i forgot what happened...
oh well this is cool

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fuccckin crazy [Mar. 15th, 2007|03:46 pm]

i feel like an asshole i fuckin miss him. i hate being a girl
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white light [Mar. 14th, 2007|11:06 pm]

damn it was raining extra hard today. it was freakin dark as hell at 2 in the afternoon!
anyway my spring break is a waste. i havent done anything all week. its all cuz i dont have money. i need a job. i pray 2 GOD that i get my DREAM job workin at Journey's. My life would be complete. awesome shoes. rasta colors everwhere. cool and interesting coworkers. i love it! It would be a great birthday present. lol to get a job thats sad. but oh wells.
[my ex hates me...for now] oh well if he cant talk to me and just be my friend now..then he never needed to be in my life cuz that means he didnt truely care for me so..eff dat. relationships are so overrated...school boyfriends suck. i cant stand the,i walk u to every class and kiss u everday routine. i cant stand routine in my life. when i get out this house..im doin everything i can out of the ordinary..thats why i wanna go to college far away ya know..
ark..im just babblin..my mom cancelled my doctor's appt. today..so i'll have to find out if i need surgery on my shoulders that wont stay in the freakiin socket. THREE TIMES DISLOCATED! dont make no damn sense lol...fragile feran indeed...
anyways i edited these yesterday while i was bored...

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